The sparkling stars
Stare at one another
I wonder what they’re saying
To each other
Are they boasting off their beauty?
Are they staring back at us?
Are they questioning our presence?
Or are they just floating in the sky?
The starts we see,
Are a once upon a time
Time has taken away its actual life
Yet their light still shines
I wonder if they know
Their presence still lingers on
Like those
Who leaves behind the lasting footprints
That will live on.
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Starting of the third paragraph I think you meant stars instead of starts.
ReplyDeleteWondered if you wanted a period at the end of the third stanza? Also, stanza 2 line one, I think you meant 'of' instead of 'off'. Other than those two little things, and Z's comment, I think it's great! I love the stars. I think you gave a great impression of them. I might change sparkling in line one to something else unless you're going for alliteration in those 3 sequential words.
ReplyDeleteJenny, i like the personification of the stars. you created cool distance between humanity and the galaxy that hovers far over all of us.
ReplyDeleteits a funny thing thinking about what goes on up there. and the mystery of it, makes it a great topic to write about.
i was going to comment upon your last few lines:
"Like those
Who leaves behind the lasting footprints
That will live on."
i think leave should be singular "leave" . maybe im having a grammar pho paw and am completely wrong. but check it out.
also i think you don't even need the "on" attached to the linger line. you could just say they linger, so as to leave the line hanging with the same effect as the word linger. good job
margaret fleming
stars are the something fun to write about and with them being so far away and so mysterious anyone can make their own opinions about them. its really neat how she asks questions about what may be. like the "phase" poem it makes the reader use their imagination which is a cool style
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